A Tool in the Lord's Hands

I have been friends with Alan for as long as I can remember, way back in elementary school. We were never super good friends who talked all the time, but growing up we always hung out at school and pretty frequently hung out on weekends with all our common friends.

A little more than a year ago, Alan went on a mission. The fact that he went was a miracle in itself because his dad was in the hospital at the time; rumor was he could die. I was so proud of him for making the decision to still serve the Lord although this hardship had fallen on his family. He gave one of the most touching and amazing farewell talks I had ever heard, and I was touched deeply by it. We talked for about a half hour at his house afterwards, which was pretty impressive for us. It was really nice to just… talk. I told him of my plans to go to Ukraine in August and how I hoped it would come sooner. He told me about all sorts of things about him I never really knew before. It was great to have that last time with him. But that was the last I’d hear from him or he from me for a long time…

I ended up going to Ukraine less than 2 weeks after talking to Alan. I was there for 5 months, and during one of my last few weeks there I got the idea to write a bunch of my friends from high school and such that were now on missions. I had 5 in mind, but somehow only ever got to 4 of them. Needless to say, it was Alan whom I continued to put off—not on purpose, but just because I got so busy wanting to see everything I could since I was going home in less than a month at that point.

It wasn’t until almost 2 months after I had been home that I saw Alan’s mom in July at a friend’s wedding reception. We talked for a while, and she said I really should write Alan because he loved getting mail and would love to hear from me. I agreed and she gave me his address. I wrote him immediately that night, because I felt especially bad since I had planned to write him so much sooner. I finished the letter the next day and sealed it up. I brought it out to my car, so I wouldn’t forget it was there and would take it to the post office in one of the next few days… However, after a week, it somehow got lost. After 2 months of searching for that letter, I finally found it in the back seat of my car—somewhere I still don’t know how it got there. I got the feeling that I really needed to send it soon, so I immediately went to the post office and sent it off.

I didn’t expect to hear back from him honestly. Only one of the other 4 letters wrote back and in all honesty it was a pretty outdated letter at that point… by over 2 months. And as time went on I knew I wouldn’t hear from him. Or so I had assumed.

A few days ago, my dad came in with the mail. He tossed me a letter. I was expecting one from my missionary and instead was shocked to see “Elder Alan” on the front. I tore it open so quick. I had sent him that letter just shy of 6 months earlier, and I was so excited to see what he’d have to say. Mainly because I couldn’t even remember what I had written… ha ha. Anyway, here’s the whole point to this post.

First off, I was shocked at how long the letter was. Two pages front and back? Of England paper, which is longer than American 8 ½ x 11 inches. It was really impressive. And I seriously wondered what in the world he could talk to me that long about…

Once again, Alan touched me deeply. His letter… I’ll just have to share a couple excerpts to help you understand along with me commentary.

About the same time as I talked to Alan’s mom, Alan became senior companion for the first time. He got a new companion, and it was evident right from the get go that they did not get along. With that came constant contention, loads of self-criticism along with his companion also putting in his two cents. Not to mention the fact that the work was completely dead where he was at. “Rain or shine we were facing massive rejection every day. I felt absolutely hopeless. I was doing what I was supposed to do, but to be frank, hating my life. Obviously my prayers were full of pleading and begging for strength and help in this difficult time.”

Alan continues to talk about October General Conference. Apparently, it’s like Christmas for missionaries :) During one of the breaks between sessions, Alan’s district leader brought their mail to them. That day he got my letter. “I continued to open it up right then and there and read your letter. Heather, your letter was the answer to my prayers.”

Now I don’t want to go into too much detail about what he said to me or I to him, and I don’t say what little I do to toot my own horn either. But I said to him what I felt, clear back in July, needed to be said for some reason. I wanted him to know of the times during high school where I was grateful for him, when he was such a good friend to me, when I was least expecting it. And anything good and uplifting I could think of. I told him of the words Genshai and Namaste, words that I learned while I was in Ukraine that brought so much more meaning to my life. “It touched me a great deal. So much so that on my next missionary planner, I wrote on the back, Genshai and Namaste-Never treat anyone small or make them feel small- NOT EVEN YOURSELF! It was almost as if you knew exactly what I was going through.”

At the very end of his letter he said this: "Even though it took me so long to respond, the impact of your letter was real. I hope you are loving life! It's meant to be loved ya know. Always remember Genshai. I have till this day."

I suppose that, to a point, I understood what Alan was going through, but I can assure you that, seeing as I hadn’t heard a thing from him (I don’t even get the weekly emails forwarded to me or anything) in over 7 months, I did not know what he was going through. At that time when I wrote the letter, I was on a spiritual high. I was feeling so good (which is always the best time to write letters) and essentially, all I was, was a tool in the Lord’s hands. And I have never been so grateful for that in my entire life.

So the next time you get a prompting of sorts—bake cookies for a neighbor, call someone randomly for no apparent reason, write a letter to a dear friend you haven’t spoken to in years—DO IT. You never know what kind of effect it could have on them. 

Almost, Almost, Almost...

Let me start by just saying that I absolutely love the Bible. So many things I didn't know, new things to uncover. It's incredible. Also, I get to truly learn the stories, not just of Christ's life, but the life of the original twelve as well. And this is where this insight comes from.

Acts 26 has, quite possibly, the most saddening phrase to me in the entire Bible. Let me sum up the chapter: Paul tells his account of how he formerly persecuted the Saints in Christ's time while he was a Pharisee before he was converted. He then testifies of Jesus whom he saw on the Damascus road. And at the end of the chapter Paul bears his testimony of Christ and the gospel to king Agrippa.

It is with the king that my sadness lay.

I have to quote the end of this chapter to help me explain:

"27King Agrippa, believest thou the prophets? I know that thou^abelievest.
28Then Agrippa said unto Paul, Almost thou ^apersuadest me to be a^bChristian.
29And Paul said, I would to God, that not only thou, but also all that hear me this day, were both almost, and altogether such as I am, except these bonds."

What was it King Agrippa says to Paul when questioned if he believed in Christ? "Almost thou persuadest me to be a Christian."

Now wait a minute. Paul already knows that King Agrippa believes. Not only that, King Agrippa knows that he believes as well. So why is he denying it? "Almost thou persuadest me to be a Christian"? That's just not true. You do know, O King. So why do ye deny? Almost you were willing to defend this man of God. Almost you were willing to be blessed. Almost you were willing to truly accept He who could save you...

Well, now I must ask each of you, as well as myself, the same question. How often do we do exactly what King Agrippa did? You know what you believe, you know Christ lives, you know what He asks of you, so why do you still deny? Why do we still pretend and push these things to the back of our mind?

How often do we say things like this:

· "I could keep the sabbath day holy, but the weather is perfect to go boating.

· "I could follow the prophet and not watch rated R movies, but it's just a little violence, just a little sex, just a little gore.

· "I could keep the commandments and not sin right now, but it's just so enticing."

· "I could go to all of my meetings, but the Superbowl is about to start. I can go next week."

· "I could go to the temple today, but I'd rather read/watch a movie/play video games instead."

Aren't these simple things the types of things we say to ourselves so often? All the little excuses we make up to make ourselves feel better about doing the exact opposite of what we know we should and what is right? Why do we do that? Why do pretend to what's right and never follow through? We claim we believe and do nothing with it. Whatever happened to that scripture in James: "Faith without works is dead, being alone"?

Let me add a little to the above statements and say what Agrippa did. Maybe then we'll understand:

· "I could keep the sabbath day holy, but the weather is perfect to go boating. Almost thou persuadest me to keep the sabbath day holy."

· "I could follow the prophet and not watch rated R movies, but it's just a little violence, just a little sex, just a little gore. Almost thou persuadest me to follow the prophet."

· "I could keep the commandments and not sin right now, but it's just so enticing. Almost thou persuadest me to keep the commandments."

· "I could go to all of my meetings, but the Superbowl is about to start. I can go next week. Almost thou persuadest me to attend church."

· "I could go to the temple today, but I'd rather read/watch a movie/play video games instead. Almost thou persuadest me to attend the temple."

Do we not understand the implications tho these statements we make, both verbal and physical? Do we not get that essentially all we are saying is, "I could reach the Celestial kingdom, but the world and what they claim is happiness is instantly gratifying to me and somehow more fulfilling. Almost thou persuadest me to be truly happy. Almost." But instead of truly giving it our all, and giving our will over the the Father, we tell Him, "Almost thou persuadest me to be a Christian. Almost thy gift is worth it. Almost I want to be with you again." Almost, almost, almost...

Almost we are willing to help that elderly lady take her groceries to her car. Almost we want to help the dead who cannot help themselves. Almost we want to be a better sister, brother, husband, wife, parent. Almost we want to be closer to our Creator. Almost we are willing to do the things required of us. Almost we are willing to be Christians. Almost, almost, almost...

Might I suggest that we no longer sit on the fence with our legs sprawled on each side, proclaiming, "Almost I'm a Christian!" But let us stand firmly on the side of the Lord, so there is no doubt in any mind that we are who we say are, because we act how we speak.

"I am a Christian!"

Well Done, Thou Good and Faithful Servant

Even an ordinary soul-struggling against temptation, failing and repenting, and failing again and repenting, but always determined to keep his covenants can still expect to one day hear "Well done, thou good and faithful servant." --Boyd K. Packer.

I myself find it hard to believe that someone who demands perfection will always be willing to forgive me my follies. I struggle comprehending the fact that God will keep forgiving. In my mind, I'm just waiting for the day that He says to me, "Nope, I'm sorry. You've done that sin one too many times. I can't forgive you anymore. You've been fairly warned time and again, and time again you say you won't, and yet you do. There's no more I can do for you." But that's the beauty of the atonement, of repentance, of God's mercy and His love.

It never ends.

God will not, no not once, forsake us if we come unto Him. He will gladly receive us with open arms as did the Prodigal's father. We can mess up time and again. We can be a repeat offender, as is often the case while we struggle to become perfect (one day), but we may all still one day hear the words, "Well done, thou good and faithful servant."

In Christ Alone

Many songs touch me, because I am so very musically inclined. But few have touched me quite like this:

Thank you, Adam Young (aka Owl City), for producing such a brilliantly and wonderfully renditioned song. You truly are amazing and I applaud you for standing up and proclaiming your beliefs. You truly are an inspiration.

If you want to see his actual article on why he did a cover of this song, here is the link: http://owlcityblog.com/2010/10/25/my-hope-is-found/

Adam and Eve: A Type or Shadow?

Symbolism truly is one of the most amazing things. And the more I look into it and try to find deeper meanings, the more impressed I am. For instance, I'll take a simple one, Adam and Eve, to illustrate this for you:

In the Old Testament, there is more than enough symbolism to go around right? Half the time, we can't really decipher what is supposed to be taught and we struggle to understand. But I think this will be a simple one for all. And perhaps it will show just how simplistic many of the symbols really are, if we just cared to look.

In Genesis when it talks of Adam and Eve and when they partook of the fruit of knowledge, what was their initial reaction? To cover themselves from God, right? They immediately felt and realized what it was like to be naked in the sight of God and themselves. But not only physically, but spiritually as well, for they had sinned. Although it was part of the Great Plan, it was still a sin for they had disobeyed God's commandment to not partake of the fruit. So, they were now unclean and unfit to be in the presence of God continually.

But God understood them. He understood the problems and the shame they were feeling. And He helped them. He gave each of them a garment, a covering of skin. Physically, this made it so they were no longer naked... But think of the symbolism behind that.

Chances are, that animal would have had to be sacrificed in order to receive the skins to clothe them. A sacrifice that covered them. Now here's the fun part: Isn't that exactly what Christ has done for us? Could this have just been a type or shadow of what Christ would later do for each of us? Perhaps this was God's way of letting us know he would provide a way for us. I must quote a great article by Lenet Read who puts this perfectly:

"Might it [the giving of the skin coverings] have been a witness that God himself would provide a covering for his children, all of whom would experience spiritual nakedness-that is, being exposed to his judgmental eye? For through the sacrifice made by Christ, our sins may be covered, if we repent. Looked at this way, the symbolism of Adam and Eve's coats of skins teaches of Christ and helps us prepare spiritually, that eventually we may once again dare to stand in the presence of God unashamed."

I hope that we all may look deeper into the symbolism of the scriptures so that we may find those deeper meanings God is trying to help us understand. He loves us, wants us to be happy, and wants us to understand all the mysteries of the heavens. But we first must do our part and seek diligently to find the answers and true meanings of the symbols.

Sacrament and the Atonement

"We would never dream of separating the symbols of the Atonement by taking the bread without the water or vice versa when partaking of the sacrament. Together they teach us of immortality and eternal life. Neither one without the other is a whole gift. Both are required to truly make us whole."

Brad Wilcox, The Continuous Atonement

After reading this chapter heading, I just sat there and thought. Truly thought about what this would be like, to only have the bread or the water during the sacrament. What would it be like to only have the gift of one and not the other?

With only the bread, if Christ had only died for us and been resurrected, that's all we would have. Sure, it's a fun thought to think, just like in Tuck Everlasting, that, "I can live forever!" We would become immortal, but to what end? None of us would ever be in the presence of God again, ever. He cannot look on sin with the least degree of allowance, and without the sacrifice of Christ's blood for us, justice would never be met and there would be no mercy to let us be with them again. I don't like the thought of living forever in sin...

So then, that means having the water would be the better option, right?

If we just had the water, the blood of Christ shed for our sins, we would be allowed to have our sins forgiven of us. Sounds great right? No more living in sin, so long as we repented. But that's the only thing we would get. What would be the point of that since we would eventually just die and cease to exist anyway? Without being able to live forever, we would see God again for a few brief moments before no longer existing, or just starting this earthly process all over again. Either one is just as bad as not having had the water but only the bread to begin with...

This is why we need them both. This is why it's not only important that Christ suffered for us in Gethsemane, not only that he died for us, but also that he rose again. All three of these are key to living with God again. Without all of them, we receive nothing worth wanting. True happiness would be impossible and unattainable... But with these gifts from Christ, not only are they possible, but we can each make it back home.

Listen.

[lis-uh n] v. to give attention to with the ear; attend closely for the purpose of hearing; give ear; to pay attention.

I read this book called "I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better." It has already done wonders on my outlook at life and helping people. And here's a bit of what I've learned from it. I suggest everyone gives it a read. It would be most beneficial.

How many times has someone come to you in a bad mood, with some sort of frustration or problem? I've had this happen to me many times, not to mention the number of times I've done this to other people. Do you recall what you did when you were the one listening to the problem? Perhaps it went something like this experience I had with a friend of mine:
My friend came over one day and seemed frustrated. When asked what was wrong, she said, "My friends ask to borrow my clothes and take forever to give them back. If I ask for them, it takes at least a week to get them returned. And once I finally do, they're dirty. I'm sick of it!" This rant continued for at least 5 minutes, no joke. The entire time I was just sitting there thinking, "Could you be quiet now? I know the answer to your problem. It's simple enough; don't let them borrow your clothes." When she finally finished her tangent (none of which I remember except for the beginning), I immediately gave her my solution to her problem. The next thing she said to me shocked me. "You just don't understand! Why can't you just listen to me? You obviously don't care, so why did you even ask?" She then left my house with a slammed door.

I couldn't believe she just accused me of not caring. I was just trying to help her. Now both our feelings have been hurt because she thinks I don't care and she got mad at me when I was just trying to help. So my attitude then became, "Well, see if I ever try to help you again."

Notice how my initial reaction was, "I need to solve her problem for her and I have the answer." Our immediate response almost every time is to help the person in distress. When we care about someone, we want them to feel happy, be cheerful and have the best. Our natural tendency is to give advice and tell them what we think would be the best solution for them. We went to help in any way we can, and we think that by telling them what we think they should do, that all is well and it will work out perfectly. However, this is not so. Most of the time, the suggestions we give to the person cause the person to feel like they have to do what was suggested whether they want to or not. Because that person knows someone is just trying to help them, and feel as though it would be letting down the person with the adivce if the advice isn't taken seriously and acted upon. And then, a good portion of the time, when the advice is acted upon and goes awry, we get blamed because they followed the advice we gave them. This causes tension and strain in the relationship. Have you ever had the misfortune of feeling that way? I have a thousand times over, and it isn't a comfortable position to be in.

Have you ever thought about how this could change? What could possibly be done to help this person in need if all your advice just backfires? A single word should be able to put this into perspective.

Listen.

It's a simple word, one that we all know very well. We are always told to listen to what people tell us to do (especially our parents), but perhaps they should just listen to us.

What do you think would happen if, instead of waiting to pounce on the person to be quiet already so that you can tell them what to do (because you know the answer already, of course), we actuallylisten to what they are saying, with no intention of solving their problems. After all, they are their problems. Thus, they are not ours for the fixing!

But think about the tables being turned. Assume you were the person with the problem... then what? Don't we get offended and hurt when someone doesn't just listen to us? When they always have to have their input on our lives? Is it possible that we understand where my friend is coming from when she said, "You obviously don't even care?"

A lot of times, I have felt like those who mentally I know should care most about me (like my family for intance) don't care at all because they don't just listen for the sake of listening. They always have to put their two cents in with my life and problems, when really, that's not what I want at all. I am capable of solving my own problems, I just want someone to listen to me and understand. I want the feelings I've been feeling validated and understood, not alienated and told they're wrong. Frankly, unless I ask for it, chances are I probably don't want your advice anyway. And even then, take that request with a grain of salt. I don't care how much you know at this point, I just want to be listened to. Is that too much to ask?

Apparently so. But it doesn't have to be. I know that when I am the one with the problem, I just need someone to listen to me. I don't want advice, nor do I need it. I just need someone to validate my feelings and understand me and try to understand what I'm feeling. A simple, "Oh, that must be rough," or, "That's a tough place to be in," with a possible, "What do you think you should do about it?" is all that is needed. An understanding and validating phrase. One that keeps the problem on the shoulders it belongs but still shows that one cares. Validation and listening are such incredible things--when we use them. So the next time someone comes to you with a problem, don't assume that means they want you to solve it for them; chances are, they don't. Instead, try listening to them and try understanding what they might be feeling.

"I don't care how much you know until I know how much you care."

There's never been a truer statement. Show people that you care, really care, by listening, not acting. An open ear a lot of times, is all one needs.