A friend of mine has been having relationship issues lately. Over and over she's explained said issues to me, and how hard it is; so much harder than she ever thought it would be. And I try to help the best I can. And tonight something clicked in my head and was solidified that is not only true for her situation, but I believe is beneficial to any and all relationships between human-kind.
I know that, as girls, we have a tendency to feel guilty for a lot of things that we shouldn't. Frankly, we feel guilty for just about everything and every possible little thing that goes wrong is always our fault. And a lot of times we also feel this need to make people happy. Many of us are willing to let our own happiness dwindle if it means we may brighten another's day and make their life easier. We're willing to sacrifice ourselves for the sake of another, especially for a loved one. And this has become the problem in my friends life.
She has been so eager and hopeful to make her spouse happy that she has sugar coated what she really feels. She tells him what he wants to hear, and what she wishes was true. And she does it because she never wants to disappoint him. She sacrifices her own happiness in hopes that he will be happy. With tears in her eyes, she simply said, "But I just want to be happy."
Here's the funny thing about wanting to be happy but also sugar coating things; sugar coating means you're not telling the whole truth. By not telling the whole truth, that means you're lying. Lying is a type of sin. Sinning is wickedness. And as Alma 41:10 says, "Wickedness never was happiness." Simple solution (though it's never easy) is to tell the truth. And not just the truth, but the whole truth. Don't keep secrets from loved ones; that's how tangled webs are woven. And in the end, the other always wants to know why you didn't just tell the truth in the first place.
I've noticed this a lot in my own life. Every time I half heartedly give the partial truth to my loved one, and in the end tell him the whole truth of what I really feel in some heated conversation, he exasperatedly asks why I didn't just tell him all of that to begin with so we could correct the issue when it began. And frankly I ask him the same thing quite frequently. We've gotten much better at this and have found that just telling the truth makes everything easier. Being honest. Not sugar coating things. It just works. Alma knew what he was talking about; wickedness never was happiness, even something as simple as sugar coating the truth and telling little white lies.
I know that, as girls, we have a tendency to feel guilty for a lot of things that we shouldn't. Frankly, we feel guilty for just about everything and every possible little thing that goes wrong is always our fault. And a lot of times we also feel this need to make people happy. Many of us are willing to let our own happiness dwindle if it means we may brighten another's day and make their life easier. We're willing to sacrifice ourselves for the sake of another, especially for a loved one. And this has become the problem in my friends life.
She has been so eager and hopeful to make her spouse happy that she has sugar coated what she really feels. She tells him what he wants to hear, and what she wishes was true. And she does it because she never wants to disappoint him. She sacrifices her own happiness in hopes that he will be happy. With tears in her eyes, she simply said, "But I just want to be happy."
Here's the funny thing about wanting to be happy but also sugar coating things; sugar coating means you're not telling the whole truth. By not telling the whole truth, that means you're lying. Lying is a type of sin. Sinning is wickedness. And as Alma 41:10 says, "Wickedness never was happiness." Simple solution (though it's never easy) is to tell the truth. And not just the truth, but the whole truth. Don't keep secrets from loved ones; that's how tangled webs are woven. And in the end, the other always wants to know why you didn't just tell the truth in the first place.
I've noticed this a lot in my own life. Every time I half heartedly give the partial truth to my loved one, and in the end tell him the whole truth of what I really feel in some heated conversation, he exasperatedly asks why I didn't just tell him all of that to begin with so we could correct the issue when it began. And frankly I ask him the same thing quite frequently. We've gotten much better at this and have found that just telling the truth makes everything easier. Being honest. Not sugar coating things. It just works. Alma knew what he was talking about; wickedness never was happiness, even something as simple as sugar coating the truth and telling little white lies.
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